SAY IT OUT LOUD

At this point I was down 41lbs, my system was tip top clean and I had 100% motivation.  From March through June I made sure to surround myself with the perfect "clean" environment. By doing this, I had complete control of any possible temptation. How long could I control my surroundings?
Late July came and I was attending bar-b-ques, vacationing at the beach, and enjoyed refreshing cocktail after cocktail (after cocktail). I was having a blast. I just lost a bunch of weight, so I felt great and uhm' cocky. Yes, I felt like I just worked my ass off, so "why not treat myself".  Before I knew it I was 10lbs heavier and really felt awful. "How did this happen!" "Uh, I just don't get it!"
I had the rules down, but forgot how to use them in real life situations. I couldn't keep myself in a controlled environment for the rest of my life, nor did I want too! I am a very social person and love to be around friends and family. When we are all together we eat lots of yummy food and enjoy our favorite cocktails.  I want what they are all having. How am I going to do this!? No eat clean tool can stop me from wanting what everyone else is having. I never had to stop myself before.
Wait. I have goals. They all don't share my goals, nor do I expect them too, but I have something that I want to accomplish in my life. I really want to overcome these demons and me staying focused and true to ME is all that matters!  It took me several months of agonizing insecurities to realize why I wanted to stay true to my journey. I have the tools, now it is up to me.  December through March, I was continuously inspired by people who challenged themselves to be better and who worked hard to achieve their goals. These people are smart individuals. Smart individuals who believe in themselves to achieve their personal goals. I proved that I could follow a meal plan,  now I needed to prove (to myself) that I believed in my strength and my goals.
Through the Winter I lost those 10lbs, wrote out my goals and started  planning how to best reach them. My first goal was to take care of myself, to slow down and listen to my emotions. If that meant I needed to take baby steps and do this one day at a time then so be it.  I needed to be aware of my actions and be mindful - I had been mindless for so long, it was time to pay attention.

March 2011

Tosca Reno and I