Learning to Say NO

An inspirational friend recently said, "every time you say no to someone/something, you are saying yes to you". WOW. That totally rocked my world. I had never thought of it like that. So, every time I say no to something I am saying yes to me. It has worked -- I've tested it. :) I was offered a cupcake and I said "no" and said "yes" to my goals, my dedication, my promise to myself and me.With this new way of thinking, I have since become smarter with my time. My family and I travel a lot to see family and I am learning how important it is to really look at my calendar before shouting yes yes I'll do it. I work full-time, have two children, a husband, pets, a home to clean and me to take care of. I can't do it all -- well, I can-- I just would be put on the back burner if I chose to do it all. It is all about balance and I have to take that seriously. Some may think of it as being selfish, it's not, it's being smart so we can take care of ourselves AND play the dozen other roles we are in our lives. Speaking of roles, being a role-model to my children is one of the most important roles I play. And it is very important to me to teach them what it looks like and what it means to take care of yourself.

You can't change bad habits and reach your goals without taking time for yourself. Each of us are so important to so many people and at the end of the day if we don't take some time for ourselves there will be nothing left to offer. I believe we teach people how to treat us. Teach them that it is important to you to take care of yourself. They will love and respect you for it.

Support

Support: To bear or hold up.

Two years ago, at the start of my journey, I would of defined support as "when your friends and family offer encouragement and help". Today, my definition is more like the Websters definition; to bear or hold up. To hold myself up and bear my own weight of responsibility. Only I can give myself the support that I really need to get to the next level. Support has to come from deep within myself to believe that I can go further - that I can achieve my goals. Support starts and ends with me.

Support from friends and family is very important and please do not think that I am saying that we don't need it, because I do think as humans we do depend on it. BUT, their support is not what carries me to my goals.  If I want to achieve something I have to forge ahead, give it my all and stay focused until it is done! This journey has been emotional and if I allowed others views/opinions/emotions to cloud my vision I would be right where I started. I have to stay strong and focused so I can capture what lies within me-not anyone else but me! This is about staying true to me - I can't blame anyone for my failures and I need to remember that it is okay to pat myself on the back when I've done good.

I have been very very fortunate with encouraging friends and family and they have never snuffed  any of my fitness goals, trials or big dreams. They have been amazing cheerleaders! And to be quite honest they have offered the support that told me that "it is okay to give it your all and take care of yourself". "We like you when you are a better you." Their kind supportive ways helped me take this plunge and in a lot of ways gave me the courage to actually take this journey.  My husband, my best-friend, is constantly offering constructive criticism and I rely on it.Tonight as I left the house for the gym, I told him my plan to do my best and he said, "don't do your best...do better...because you can". He's right. I appreciated that reminder...I did better than my best. ;)

This post easily contradicts itself.  So let me sum it up by simply saying, don't completely rely on support of others, if you want to achieve something you have to hold yourself up - no one else can do this for you. If you want to be a better you it is up to you to take every single step to the top. Let your family and friends support be a booster  throughout your journey, but not your fuel.  It's amazing how strong you really are. Impress yourself today.

This is Part of the Process

"You may think the grass is greener on the other side, but if you take the time to water your grass it would be just as green"
 -Unknown

We all know it takes work to get what we want in our lives. Sure, there are short cuts...for me, it was diet pills, and I told you where that got me. It takes a disciplined mind to achieve goals. No matter our goals we need to embrace the discipline involved.  I am always looking for inspiration, direction and motivation through books, Facebook fan pages, videos, etc.. When I dive into these sources I quickly realize just how much these women (and men) work their butts off.  I admire their disciplined mind. Something that does not happen over night. 

After seeing my best friend run his first marathon, I knew this was something that I just had to do. In the Spring of 2011 I started training for what would be my first 1/2 and a full marathon. In the earlier stages of my training I would sob, absolutely sob as I ran.  My emotions would rush. I was afraid of of failure, I had fear of achieving the marathon, I was out of my "comfort" zone and had to find the strength to get out there and stay out there.  The emotions were SO powerful and came on so quick, I would "cry it out", and once I was done I felt stronger. I felt a sense of freedom. I chant; "this is part of the process". The pain, discomfort, fear, awkwardness was ALL PART OF THE PROCESS. It was (and still is) SO important that I experience this and I don't want to forget those pains. When I self-reflect I think of those pains and emotions and am quickly reminded that I do not want to go back there. I have been blind too long - I have ignored myself too long. That was my choice then and now it is my choice to pay attention - take the blinders off and change what I hate. 

Spring through Summer I trained very hard, gave it my all and my dedication was 100%. September I completed my first 1/2 and a knee injury and fear prevented me from completing my full. 

SAY IT OUT LOUD

At this point I was down 41lbs, my system was tip top clean and I had 100% motivation.  From March through June I made sure to surround myself with the perfect "clean" environment. By doing this, I had complete control of any possible temptation. How long could I control my surroundings?
Late July came and I was attending bar-b-ques, vacationing at the beach, and enjoyed refreshing cocktail after cocktail (after cocktail). I was having a blast. I just lost a bunch of weight, so I felt great and uhm' cocky. Yes, I felt like I just worked my ass off, so "why not treat myself".  Before I knew it I was 10lbs heavier and really felt awful. "How did this happen!" "Uh, I just don't get it!"
I had the rules down, but forgot how to use them in real life situations. I couldn't keep myself in a controlled environment for the rest of my life, nor did I want too! I am a very social person and love to be around friends and family. When we are all together we eat lots of yummy food and enjoy our favorite cocktails.  I want what they are all having. How am I going to do this!? No eat clean tool can stop me from wanting what everyone else is having. I never had to stop myself before.
Wait. I have goals. They all don't share my goals, nor do I expect them too, but I have something that I want to accomplish in my life. I really want to overcome these demons and me staying focused and true to ME is all that matters!  It took me several months of agonizing insecurities to realize why I wanted to stay true to my journey. I have the tools, now it is up to me.  December through March, I was continuously inspired by people who challenged themselves to be better and who worked hard to achieve their goals. These people are smart individuals. Smart individuals who believe in themselves to achieve their personal goals. I proved that I could follow a meal plan,  now I needed to prove (to myself) that I believed in my strength and my goals.
Through the Winter I lost those 10lbs, wrote out my goals and started  planning how to best reach them. My first goal was to take care of myself, to slow down and listen to my emotions. If that meant I needed to take baby steps and do this one day at a time then so be it.  I needed to be aware of my actions and be mindful - I had been mindless for so long, it was time to pay attention.

March 2011

Tosca Reno and I 

My "Eat Clean" Birthday!

I am a mother, wife, daughter and friend who was ashamed of who I was and potentially where I was going with my health. My house is clean, my girls are dressed and happy, my husband is happy and taken care of... Things are in order and look pretty good. Oh WAIT! Me. I forgot about me. Uh, I need to shower and do my hair and even worse find something to wear!!!! Panic. Nothing fits. I have no clothes. I wore these when I was pregnant. THIS was the hard part. Taking care of me.Why was this so hard . Over the years I had successfully kept myself so busy that I didn't have to pay attention to myself. I didn't have to address my addiction and chose to be blind to my viscous cycle. My emotions surged and I ate them back down to the depths of my soul.
I needed to heal. I deserved to take better care of myself. This is my life and it means something to me. It's time I appreciate it and grow.
March 22, 2010, my Eat Clean Birthday.  Weeks prior to this I read Oxygen, my Recharge book, took notes and read even more, I consumed everything "Eat Clean".  I talked about it with friends and my husband...it was all I could think about. I was anticipating a brand new chapter in my life, a journey that would require every bit of me!  Gulp! This was it, I picked up my tool bag and started my Eat Clean journey.
I started by cleaning out my kitchen. I threw out syrup, peanut butter, butter, soda, juice, anything processed, packaged, white breads(starches) and "instant".  Anything and everything that was loaded with sugar, had a list of ingredients that I could barely read and anything that would get in my way during this journey.  My grocery list was very intentional and true to every rule in Tosca Reno's book, Recharged.  I won't lie, my first time shopping was intimidating and overwhelming. I will never forget when one of my dearest friends shopped with me.We read label after label and discovered many fabulous foods! Her support was priceless. (Thank You!)
March 22 I logged my weight; 212.6lbs. I forged ahead, kept clean(that means NO alcohol too), and Spin class was my once a week workout. By July 1, I was 171.2lbs! I had officially lost 41.4lbs in 3 months. This felt good and, imagine, it was just the beginning of my journey!

A Little History:

I have been overweight most of my life, though it didn't always bother me. Of course there were lots of very uncomfortable moments that I will never forget. Moments that I still think about from time to time, especially when I self-reflect. From fifth grade through college my weight was a roller coaster. My heaviest, during this time, was 220lbs (give or take a few). That was a blur. I am an emotional eater...danger! That means I eat when I am happy, sad, mad, bored...you name it. Food is my fix. My cigarette, my drink....my drug. How the hell does one overcome an addiction when the drug of their choice is everywhere!? Well, I am still figuring it out and my goal is capture this addiction and bury it.

My dieting started when I was in my late teens. My first "diet" was genius! Ready for it...eat every few days. Yeah, that lasted...only a few days! Then came a long list of silly eating regimens, quick fixes.. nothing that really taught me how to fuel my body or how to compliment my metabolism. In my early 20's I hired a trainer, I was just over 200lbs, and he kicked my ass. I believe this was the first time I felt the rush of love for weight training (to bad it didn't last). While working with him I lost 36lbs in 6wks and was SO high on life. I gained it all back within months. I didn't get it, I use to think, "Maybe I am suppose to be this size or maybe my body can't be thin." I was 26 years old, had two young daughters and I was hating the thought of being a fat mom. I really had to do something at that point. SO, I ordered Phentermine and quickly became addicted to it. Within three months I lost 60lbs. Even if I tried to eat, I would throw it up... my body couldn't eat.  After taking Phentermine for two years, I was losing my hair, my skin was dry and unhealthy and I had rage...bad rage. Mmm, this totally defeated my purpose of motherhood! Yes, I was not a "fat mom", I believe, I was something worse....not me. I surrendered the pills and just tried my best not to get back up to 200lbs!
By the time I was 32 I was 212lbs. This is when I found a women's magazine called Oxygen. I was very interested in the fitness models, they were real women who displayed heath, strength, and beauty. The stories in the magazine spoke to me and I felt surprisingly comfortable. For once, I was not intimidated by the pages of a magazine. The more I read, the more I wanted to adopt this lifestyle and achieve new found goals. I learned a new way to fuel my body and felt promise for a healthy lifestyle. Within the pages of Oxygen I was immediately introduced to Tosca Reno. Tosca Reno is a bestselling author, motivational speaker and someone who can relate to me and thousands of other women! Through her own trials she discovered eating clean and the benefits of the lifestyle. I am not saying she was the first to discover what it is to eat clean, I am saying that she is one person who put it down on paper- bound it and started a movement! It changed her life and she wanted other women to know about it, live it and believe it like she did and does!  "The Eat Clean Diet".